Gold Stars and Misconceptions

I never know how much lingo people know. And in general I don't know a lot (I joke around with text-speak, and I try to keep up on my drug references, as well as standard pop culture, but that's because I think it's important as a theatre artist to know what's going on around), but I make it a point to be pretty well polished on my lesbian references. I live in fear (not really) of being out-gay-referenced by a straight friend, no one in particular, and everyone in general, so that keeps my ears perked for any new phrases that may come along. And there's this thing in the lesbian community, possibly gay too, though the two gay guys we were with Friday night had never heard it before, called being a Gold Star Lesbian.That means you've never slept with a man.

Most lesbians have. That might seem too general, but in my research, it's pretty standard.

The thing that nobody in the straight community seems to get is that having sex with a man doesn't make you straight. It doesn't make you bi. The most it means is maybe she didn't say no. Hardly a declaration of passion.

I go back and forth. Not on the gay thing, being gay suits me a hell of a lot better than dating boys. Dating boys was always kind of a train wreck. But on the "do I wish that I'd never slept with a guy?" bit. And honestly, it's tricky. When you're raised in a society and culture, mine in particular being so conservative and religious, that doesn't allow for the possibility of anything other than monogamous heterosexuality, there's a good bit of confusion that comes with that. For me, I always knew that girls were pretty great, but it didn't really seem fair to myself or guys to completely remove guys from the pool of possibility without at least a test drive. It might be really nice to have only been with girls. To never have had to manage getting through the hetero process. I certainly didn't have a grand time, but it's also just as certainly given me more confidence in the path that I'm on now.

And for some people, it's because they feel like I did. For others, it might be out of loneliness. I've known girls who didn't know any gay women until they were in their twenties.

Like I said, I go back and forth, but I really don't think it's right, giving a girl a Gold Star just because she's never been with a man. Seems like the rest of us should get a star because we DID have to go through it.