I had an easy coming out. I worked in a theatre, and no one had ever really been of the opinion that I was straight anyways. It was more of a, "Oh, Jen's dating girls. That makes sense." sort of thing than anything serious. I didn't give it much thought. I though I'd come out and that was that.
I hadn't realized that I have to come out everywhere I go. It's not a one time thing. I have to decide in every situation if it's worth explaining that no, I don't have a boyfriend. No, I don't want one. I don't work in theatre right now. I work in a software company office in a small town suburb where everybody over 20 is married with a kid or two. I had to decide if it was safe to come out before my probation was up, or if I should wait to protect my job. I don't like hiding, I'm proud of myself and my life, so I choose to mention it whenever it is necessary, but there's still more than ten people who I haven't told.
There have only been non-discriminatory laws in place in Oregon for 5 years. There still isn't marriage, and there won't be for the foreseeable future.
My boss talked to me about politics a while on the way home from a client meeting this past week. He said that he's a staunch supporter of civil liberties, and in the same breath said that he's going to vote for Mitt Romney. My response was simple, "Romney doesn't care about my civil liberties." He'd never even thought about it that way before, and this is a guy who specifically refers to civil liberties as one of his hot button issues.
That really points out the fact that straight people seem to think that everything is fine. Domestic Partnerships are almost as good right? Not even close. Partnerships are about the most offensive thing I can think of. Every time people gush to us about getting engaged, married, and other activities that they take for granted, it's a reminder that they are oblivious of the gap in rights. It might sound petty, but it's hard to comprehend the sheer lack of consideration, so it usually feels like they're rubbing it in.
At least in Oregon, there are job protections. A company can't fire me just because I'm gay. There are 31 states that can. Marriage is federally illegal for me. This means that even if I get married in one of the few states that offer it, it means nothing in any other state, and it means nothing federally.
I can't live wherever I want. I have to figure out what places aren't going to deny me employment or intimidate me.
Diane and I both love the small town feel. We went on a mini-vacation this weekend up to the beach city of Otter Rock. Absolutely gorgeous. Small town old-timey feel. Super cute right? Except for the part where we have to look around before we kiss on the beach. An old man glared at us in a restaurant because we were splitting a dessert and sitting on the same side of our table.
I occasionally have a friend unfriend me off of facebook. I never wonder why. Because I went to a christian college, some of my friends are christians. Not very many anymore, because I'm unapologetic about the fact that I like women, and that's too much for some people. My opinion is good riddance, but the fact remains, it's 2012, and I have people sever contact with me just because of who I love. I had to sever contact with an old college friend because he felt that I didn't deserve to have equal rights. If you think that the way I live my life is sinful, why the fuck are you friends with me in the first place?
If you ever wonder why gays are complaining about wanting more rights, it's not because we feel like whining. It's because, really, we don't have any. It's because we don't feel SAFE. It's because we want to be able to live our lives without getting glared at. Or worse. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I get so angry sometimes.
So profoundly angry that no one seems to get it.
